About fear
Fear is a universal experience, everybody feels fear very few of us talk about it. If we do it’s at a superficial level, people rarely open up about what they’re really scared about which is extraordinary because we’re all scared of the same things
- Rejection
- Being vulnerable
- Loneliness
- Other people
- Not being good enough
- Not being loved
And:
· Other people finding out we’re scared!
These fears are experienced by most people at one time or another and to some extreme or another; the problem is how we deal with them. Dealing with fear is something we’re all trying to figure out on our own and no ones asking for help. We all have to cope with this feeling and some of find inadequate methods of dealing with it, because fear is basically an uncomfortable and unpleasant emotion and we want to get rid of it as quickly as possible, we will choose what ever solution works the fastest. We often make the big mistake of choosing something that is ultimately destructive however because our need is immediate we are unable to consider long-term consequences – If we are frightened we want it to end NOW!
Here are some common methods of dealing with fear:
· Drinking alcohol
· Taking drugs
· Cigarettes
· Overeating
· Gambling
· Moving
· Inappropriate relationships
· Ignoring facts
· Doing anything to not be alone
· Rationalising reality
· Complete denial
The truth is we will never be free from fear, as long as we continue to grow we will experience fear – however what we can change is how we deal with it so it no longer disables us.
The universal law of life is that we are either growing or we are dying, if we aren’t growing then we are dying – if we are alive and have a pulse then we have to grow, which means we have to find more effective ways of dealing with fear. We are all here to be the best version of ourselves we are capable of being, our purpose is to experience this process, this means we will have to grow and we will experience the full spectrum of feelings that goes with that – the good, the bad and the uncomfortable.
So if we are going to become who we are truly meant to be then we have to accept that fear isn’t going to go away but understand its ok, we can deal with it, and we just have to learn how!
The first and most important part of dealing with fear is to admit: “I’m frightened!” trying to deny how we really feel or ignore the feelings or minimise them just enables us to stay stuck in the same uncomfortable place searching for temporary relief. Acknowledgement of how we really feel is vital, to deny our feelings can be deadly, literally it can kill us.
Ironically admitting the fear is far easier than trying to pretend you’re not frightened, although still uncomfortable there is a certain kind of relief in finally being able to admit your fear. And I’m going to let you into a little secret that may possible change your life; if it doesn’t then it will certainly make you feel a little more comfortable:
EVERYONE ELSE IS FRIGHTENED TOO!!
Whenever you’re frightened because you’ve been pushed out of your comfort zone and your doing something different, everyone else around you is probably feeling the same way. And if they can find a way to push through their fear then you can too.
There is only one way to deal with fear and that is to face up to it, to understand you are going to feel it but move forward anyway, it’s a paradox, the only way over it is through it. It’s the fear of………that is worse than the reality of……….always.
The trick is to start with small steps, if you’re reading this right now then you must have already had experiences in your life that were frightening to you (starting school, a new job, going on a date, social event). We’ve all done something, if we hadn’t we never would have left our mothers arms! If you were recall some of these events you may notice that you were frightened before all of them but you got through it right so you know you can! What happens is once we master something like for instance starting a new job we then ‘normalise’ it and forget how frightened we were because now it’s now a normal part of life.
If we did it once we can do it again.
So start small, choose a small step, something your frightened of doing and remember how you’ve been frightened before is situations but it has been ok. Decide what you’re going to do and think about the outcome positively; remember that other people are scared too so it’s ok, DO IT!
Observe how you feel.
Yes you were scared, but you survived didn’t you?
Now, you can do anything…………………..